reblogged: Common Excuses for Cheating

original: http://marriage.about.com/od/infidelity/ss/excuses.htm

By Sheri & Bob Stritof

No Justification, No Simple Reasons

Although there is no justification for cheating, when your unfaithful spouse gives you an excuse for cheating, it is simply a way to personally justify the behavior and to feel more at ease with the decision to cheat.

Why your spouse cheated on you is something you may never really know for sure. There are no simple answers or reasons. There are lots of excuses given by cheaters.

You are Not to Blame

If your spouse has been cheating on you, realize that you are not to blame, you are not a mind reader, and although the two of you were in the same marriage, your spouse made the decision to cheat.

People who are unfaithful are selfish. It is easier for them to cheat and to leave than it is to work on their marriage.

Don't Obsess Over Excuses

Don't obsess over the excuses you may hear from your unfaithful spouse. They are just words and personal justifications for your mate's hurtful behavior.

Regardless of the reasons given for being unfaithful, the bottom line is that your spouse has cheated.

An Affair Doesn't Mean the End of a Marriage

That doesn't mean your marriage is doomed. It does mean that your marriage needs help. Whether or not your marriage can survive infidelity depends on whether or not you both are willing to seek counseling and to move forward.

Here are some of the "Our Marriage was Already Over" type of excuses.

• Our marriage was over long before I cheated.
• We're not like we used to be.
• I don't love you anymore.
• We've never been right for each other.
• I feel trapped.
• I never wanted to get married.
• I don't want to live like this.
• I love you like a sister/brother.
• I wanted to shake up our marriage and make it better.
• You deserve better.
• I thought you didn't love me anymore.
• You left me before I left you.
• I was never in love with you.
• Our marriage was boring.